I don’t really know what to start writing but I’m hoping that I’ll make some kind of sense at the end.
There’s been a lot of death around recently, both in the media and in my personal life and also the talk of depression and mental health which is a positive thing to come out of such heartbreaking reports.
At some point today a video I recorded a few days ago will go live on my channel entitled “suicide” and more recently I discussed my own experiences with suicide on a podcast that I recorded.
So what am I doing writing this blog? Today is the first time in a while that I’ve felt the slightest hint of a tidal wave of sadness and such approaching – I recognise the signs and I try to focus hard and try and maintain my normality quota and although I am lucky to have people who care for me in my life, it’s still very possible to feel absolutely alone.
I’m pretty sure this is just a dip in the rollercoaster of my life and that I’ll soon be back up.
And I’m sure that some of you might me thinking that I seem happy enough and I’m not saying that depression is creeping back into my life but when no-ones around its hard not to think and thinking evolves into reflection.
I’ve always believed that sometimes I fake it until I make it in regards to my emotional spectrum and usually that helps me to guide my moods back to where they should be but when my stress levels are heightened and things outside of my control keep on occurring, the faking it part becomes harder to maintain.