2010 The Twinkleboi Diaries

My Weight Issues

One thing I have suffered from for most of my life are weight issues, during school I was a big boy and once I left my weight plummeted, I’m pretty sure this was down to the bullying (see forthcoming blog post for more info) I received when I was there, I ate as a form of comfort, and I guess that I’ve always kept those coping mechanisms through to today, when I’m stressed or threatened the first thing I’ll do is start raiding the cupboards even when I know I’m not hungry (Sad really, eh?). I always say to myself mentally that I’ll start eating healthy and exercising tomorrow and 4 times out of 5 this doesn’t happen.

I was recently very stressed out with work related things and my eating and exercise habits have deteriorated with this. Although things at work have now sorted themselves out, I’m left with the weight I’ve put on due to the stress, I’m not blaming it all on work though, weight loss is down to will power and wanting to reach that target weight through healthy eating and exercising regularly, and I’ve not been doing this.

As of Thursday I started cycling to and from work again, something I did last year and dropped a lot of weight, I was also eating a vegan diet which I think was also a benefit to the weight loss I had, but not the main factor.

I think one of the things that I find difficult when losing weight is the waiting, I guess I want instant results and that ISN’T going to happen, I need to look into long-term lifestyle changes, substituting comfort eating for exercise, when I started running back in April 2009 I used to run my rage away and it helped, I came back from my run feeling so much better (if a little sweaty), I also find logging everything I do (eating and exercise) as very beneficial as I get to see how I’m doing as a trend, seeing a downwards sloping chart is such a nice feeling, but it also allows me to see that my weight has been yo-yo-ing for a while now and I think it’s time I changed the habit of a lifetime and face up to a different way of living, eat well, exercise regularly and smile!

So, how much do I weigh? I’m actually afraid to say, I’m fixated with my body image and I’m so completely self conscious of how I look that I can’t even bring myself to type it, I guess I’m afraid of bullying, however stupid that sounds, I think that people would judge me for letting myself get fat, and some people might do, however shallow, I don’t think that I could face that at the moment, but I’m also aware that sharing everything with my fans is something I want to do – I’m having a dilemma and a half here! One thing I will do is take a picture of everything I eat everyday, and make a visual food blog so I can see exactly what I’m putting in my body.

I am sharing my weight loss journey somewhere though – just not here (for now). Does anyone else have issues with their weight? Do you comfort eat? I’m really interested in hearing about other people view the world of weight.

Feel free to comment or email and I will respond as soon as I can (usually on the day)

4 replies on “My Weight Issues”

I can very much sympathise with you here. I was in a similar situation, although for me no one was bullying me directly. My weight loss started when I accepted my self. I stopped being in denial and accepted that I was gay. Effectively I was bullying myself, for various reasons that I won’t go in to right now. I may blog about it once I can put all those pieces together.

I know I eat when I’m stressed. The last time I moved house I was in Burger King or McDonald’s every second day pigging, for example. It quickly dawned on me once the weight started to come off that the stress of being in denial had been affecting me for a long time. I now only eat when I am actually hungry.

While I didn’t balloon up as much as some people, before the weight started coming off I was 105kg (16st 7lbs). When I weighed myself this morning I was 82.8kg (13st). It will still be some months before I get to the correct weight for my height/body type. I’d also like instant results, but it is also quite satisfying seeing things gradually get better. Having said that, it is costing a fortune to re-do my wardrobe every few months (I’ve dropped from an XL to an M in shirt size and 42″ to 36″ for my jeans). I know I’m going to drop further because back when I was 21 I was fitted for a kilt and it was sized for a 34″ waist.

Even if you don’t want to publically show your weight loss chart, I’m happy to share mine.

Incidentally, I also completely understand you being fixated with body image, although to me you still look very attractive. Since coming out I’ve been more concerned about how I look. I finally feel that I want to look good for someone. I’ve also found that as I get closer to my ideal weight I look in the mirror and get quite enamoured with how I look. So for the moment, I appreciate it. πŸ™‚

Good luck with your weight loss.

Colin. xx

i too have weight issues even when most peopel don’t even think i am all that “Fat” i think it’s really a self projected image.
ii weighted 136 lbs at one point and that was the fattest i had been (me bing 5’6″ tall).
i got so sick of looking at myself in photos and realized i had to do something about it.. I started working out and lost 15 lbs (120lbs) and it was great to have lost the belly. now i am trying to gain muscle weight or at least meaintain my current 125lbs. i do have a 6 pac now and it is a lot of hardwork.

please keep up and be active. my only advice to you is you have to workour on regular bases and you need to get your body fat down than you can work on building mucle mess. if you don’t you will just look bulky.. it’s a lot of hardwork but i know you can do it.
also i dont’t think u have any sort of weight problem by looking at both photos. you look fine and pretty much the same.

I remember reading this entrywhen you first wrote it but never commented at the time. Good luck with the weight loss, and I hope the nice weather is encouraging you to keep to the bike!

I had a similar yo-yo issue through my teens and shortly after but didn’t start doing anything abouta permanent change until much later in life – in my mid 40s. I’m telling you it’s a very different story and every ounce lost is a major battle, so lose it while you can!

(FYI I weighed 19st or 119kg 26 months ago, now down to 14.5st or 95kg – had been down to 89. πŸ™ I am DESPERATE to get down to 13st by the end of the summer! I’m a similar height/body typoe tp you, and you look a lot better than I ever have, so I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of just yet!)

Hi, I was taken by your story and I sorry to here about getting bullied in school. I kind of did but that not why I the weight I am, am not sure why I put all this weight on cause I was really thin but when I moved home to England from Scotland the weight just came on and on. Am not happy with my weight by i have anything to motvate me to lose the weight. Most people say to me “your own health should motivate you” but I dont think like that like am not one of the happest people in the world so tbh am not bothered but I am. I know makes no sence but it doesn’t to me either. (sorry about any spelling) and thanks for reading

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