So for those of you that aren’t aware (you will be by the time you’ve read this blog post!), Tom and I are in an open relationship and have been for a few months now and I thought it would be a good time to talk about it as it’s not something that everyone agrees with or could do themselves and it certainly divides opinion but I think it’s important to talk about openly and not treat it as something wrong, immoral or taboo because frankly it’s none of those things.
We have a few rules in place which I think are the basics for most open relationships and they are safety, communication and trust.
- Safety – A total no-brainer here but safe sex is mandatory.
- Communication – If we arrange to meet up with someone, we make sure the other knows where we are and when we are home, we use a simple “Send My Location” to each other.
- Trust – We trust each other to stick to the rules and talk openly about things.
Being open has actually brought us closer together as a couple too, which is brilliant, we value each other more and do more as a couple when we have the time to do so.
Since opening up our relationship we’ve both had meetups with people, the first time I met up with someone was a little weird because it was something that wasn’t done before we became open but I found out that it was exactly the same for Tom for his first one too!
After that initial “first time”, subsequent occasions feel as normal as a hookup can feel, there’s the excitement, the slight nerves and then….well, I’m sure you know!
Apps like Grindr, Growlr and Scruff have come in useful, not only because I’ve actually got talking to some awesome people on them and made some new acquaintances but I’ve also had a decent amount of attention which is nice, although I’m under no illusion that it’s probably just the “fresh meat” effect!
I’ve had my fair share of weird people messaging me on these apps but they are easily blocked, major rule with apps is that I like to know who I’m talking to, if someone hasn’t got a profile photo and start talking to me I will respond to ask them for a photo, if they can’t or don’t respond then I don’t either.
I’ve also had conversations that have been started by a stream of cock or arse pictures, I’m no prude, these pictures are sometimes fairly nice to look at but as a conversation starter, at least say a few words first before showing me what you’ve got in your pants!
Out of all the apps I use I like Growlr the most, I’ve paid for a subscription to it because…well it’s more a target market for me, I love me some bears and cubs and this app doesn’t let me down, Scruff is similar too but I can’t really afford subscriptions to all of the apps – if you use Growlr you can search for locations too, so if you wanted to find me, all you’d really need to do is look at Cambridge, UK – come say hi! 😛
The only thing that I struggle with in regards to meeting up with people is the fact that I’m one of those rare people who still haven’t learnt to drive (I’m learning next year!) and I still live with other people so accommodating isn’t really an option either, but I’ve been very lucky that some of the people I have met up with have been willing to pick me up or accommodate!
I’m very open about talking more about open relationships, so if you have any questions, and I’m sure some of you will have, then either comment below or hit me up on any of my social media places!