Self-Analysis

I’ve been putting off writing a blog for a while, for numerous reasons but I find that once I start putting fingers to keys then the release is there and I can get things out of my system a little bit.

As I get closer and closer to becoming a 30-year-old man I’ve discovered that my threshold for certain things is wearing thin, I don’t want to call it my grumpy old man phase but I feel that I’m starting to tire of aspects of my life.

I am going to have to be slightly cryptic because I’m never entirely sure who will read this and if I’m not being exact or referencing anything in particular then there is less likelihood of assumption.

I’m at a good point in my life, let me say that right now – and now I’ve got the focus and vision to see things clearly I’ve realised that there are a few things in my life that could do with adjustment because life is certainly far too short to just let things stagnate.

When you feel like you are putting a lot into something but not really witnessing any kind of reciprocation, it starts to gnaw away a little bit, only a little bit to start, but these gnaws become little voids and these voids then become craters until you have this undeniable awareness.

There are many factors that I’m in control of in my life – in fact more than I probably realise but I do know that if I want something out of my life then I have to make alterations to steer my timeline towards it.

Far too many times have I moaned about something that was aggravating me but then not done a single thing to alter it, whether it was a small thing or something bigger, I’ve always had the ability to make these changes but I’ve always taken the comfortable easy route which is usually doing nothing or next to nothing!

I think as I’ve grown older I’ve witnessed people who have gone on to better things and I’ve also seen those that haven’t, I’ve seen people be thankful for what they have and again, I’ve seen those that are utterly selfish and always think that they should have more, albeit sometimes not deserved (although who am I do judge).

Social media has paid a large part in my almost self-analysis, seeing just how people are so consumed by being someone (Twitter Famous, etc) and forgetting who they are, people who constantly moan about other people but if someone says something that even minutely challenges there over-inflated view of themselves, getting angry and hateful.

But it’s definitely not just social media and the online world that has made me re-evaluate myself, sometimes holding a mirror up to yourself makes you realise that, as well as other things that pass through your life.

I’m making small changes already, but this time I’m doing them more privately than I have in the past, I’m certain I’ll reveal more details as things progress but occasionally it’s just really nice to be private!

Also, quite recently a few of my friends have mentioned that I haven’t been very responsive to texts or WhatsApp messages, there is no sinister reason, nor is it something that the individual has done, but it’s in a weird way, my way of feeling in control – it’s definitely a temporary thing because I’ve started to be more responsive again, so if you know me and you are reading this then it’s a small explanation to why I don’t always respond, don’t take it personally – in fact, start messaging me more – take me out of my comfort control zone!

0 thoughts on “Self-Analysis

  • 5th June 2014 at 1:11 am
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    That happened with me at 30 – and to cheer you up, that re-evaluation of things/people/life also happens at 40 too, most likely…although if you sort it out at 30, you might not get it so bad later…depends on how your life changes.

    But this is why I now have an almost zero tolerance for bullshit – it might make me seem more angry, but it was always there. Strange like when say, women get confident and powerful they’re deemed bitches and hysterical, there is a same thing for everyone and especially in the gay scene. Same sort of thing…not allowing people to walk all over you, and you get some very odd, sometimes hurtful responses. I just got bored with most of the mashup people since they haven’t moved on, and some of the podcast people too. I burned my bridges with the gay/bears back in my 30’s last time I re-evaluated. Life is, indeed, too short for that shit. Even the poltiical people are getting on my wick, because they don’t actually do anything, either – but used to make me feel bad for my lack of doing stuff (that different law for you than me is a common thing atm)…so CTRL/ALT/DEL!

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