Shadow Toby

For the past month and a bit I've been feeling a lot less like myself, I've been short-tempered, angry and exhausted – the exhaustion was completely natural after being ill for so long but I really wasn't ready for just how it all effected me mentally.

Things that enter my stratosphere are usually dealt with in a calm and collected way, I take time to think about the bigger picture but whilst in recovery I've been finding that I hadn't the energy to do so, I also realised that rather than taking my own advise to others of "rest and recover" I'd not been stopping myself and that's not helped.

I managed to speak to someone about this recently and although I'm not back up to full energy yet, I know that in time I will be.

I've also noticed that my confidence in myself has shrank a little bit, I've felt all the old insecurities I once carried around with me trying to wriggle their way back in but I'm not not prepared to let myself slip into a spiral of negative thoughts and behaviours, I fought my demons and won and they won't return.

This morning I decided to get up early and head into town to treat myself to breakfast and coffee, sounds pretty normal but it was the first time in ages that I felt like doing anything like that and it really lifted my mood, I also did a small amount of shopping, looked for some clothes but didn't find anything I liked and then headed back home.

I spent a little time (15 minutes or so) after I got in just laying on my bed and concentrating on my breathing and felt so calm afterwards.

I've been listening to some music since then, drinking tea and I'm about to record some videos for YouTube for next week and also thinking of making all of my poetry on my other site available as a podcast with a little back story to each poem I put out.

I also want to blog more, and this is the start of that, so thank you if you spent a minute or two reading this!

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