I’m really fed up with stuff at the moment, everything is annoying me!
I’m having a minor blip from my usual self, this happens occasionally, usually starts with general moodiness and ends up with me being really anti-social and weird – I don’t know why it happens, I don’t think about it usually, I just ride it out – I guess, and this sounds retarded, that because recently things are going well that I autopilot myself to feeling down just encase the good things don’t last.
I went out last weekend and drank – something I rarely do, and I think I realise why – I seem to deal with the guilt of drinking for a few days afterwards – I’ve never been a drinker and I think this stems from the years I’ve had to put up with my alcoholic stepfather, which I suppose is kind of like a blessing in disguise because I know that I will NEVER be like him.
Pre-emptive guilt? Is that what this is?
Sometimes I wish I could make sense of it all!