Heat-Induced Delirium

Erk….30C tomorrow…really?

Does the sun not realise that a fat bastard like me HATES the sun….I would plump for walking around naked but I really don’t think that my friend Fiona would appreciate taking me for a birthday dinner with all my particulars on show.

I think I’m going to freeze a load of ice cubes and shove them up my arse – internal cooling….obviously I’m not going to do that…I have a delivery of the GINORMOUS Mr Freeze ice pops coming….they shouldn’t melt as fast as the ice cubes…mind you…..the colours of the ice pops would make things look like I’d sat on a Smurf (Blue Raspberry)…again…I jest….but don’t blame me if I get sunstroke and end up attached to a Mr Whippy machine…..ok, this is getting weird now, I sound like a queer version of the Mr Frosty machine….but alas I can’t stop – this must be HEAT-INDUCED delirium…and don’t get me started on the swarms of evil fucking insects that have decided that they want to move into my room…I have a fan….it’s on full speed and yet I feel like I’m sitting inside an oven…I would sit ON the fan but I’m pretty sure that fast spinning metal blades and appendages just DO NOT mix *winces at the thought*

It’s also forcing me to get my pasty legs out in a pair of shorts…

I had to crop this photo due to not realising just how IN YOUR FACE my bulge was!

I’m so over this weather already, I’m being reduced to a fat sweaty mess of fabulousness and apparently this is only the beginning of a long-arse summer – GAH!

Leave a Reply